I hold this truth to be self evident: geeks are least likely to leave their house, have the ability to not come off as awkward in everyday conversation, and know what is in a “Corpse Bride”. Why? Our very existence heavily consists of locking ourselves in an enclosed space, or other solitary areas while we learn all there is to learn about coding languages, computing, and how to take down a member race of The Covenant with the least amount of bullets. Fellow nerds, it’s time to look at the other side of the equation! It’s time to wear stylized fitted caps while taking in the sights at your local beer garden. Don’t worry though, I’m hear to help.
So you’ve been invited to places where humans consume alcohol by the pint. You meet up with your group of friends or what the Los Angeles Police Department might refer to as “the crew”, and you are off to a place where everyone knows your name. Look at you, fitting in, talking as men do! Then you go to the bar and as a joke you order “a martini, shaken not stirred.” Just like that the illusion that you were going for vanishes. The real world isn’t some place to make James Bond references. So what do you do next? You whip out your Windows Phone and purchase Gergely Orosz’s Cocktail Flow for $2.99. You can pick the ingredients you want from the “Barstock” area and download packages on how to make drinks. You’ll even get results for different holidays, suggestions on things you should add to your bar at home, and learn how to make drinks yourself. For the record that is so good looking that even when you’re in the bar getting “po’ed up”, you’ll still think it’s the best Metro application you’ve ever seen.
So you wake up the next morning in the Pacific Northwest. A: how did you get there? Who knows, but boy was last night a riot. B: What’s the first thing any north westerner worth their weight in organic food is going to want? You guessed it. You’ll want that elixir of life mere mortals refer to is “coffee”. You head to Victor’s and he throws you out for asking too many questions and not standing in line properly and you are then forced to grab a cup at the home of one of the many, many, many baristas waiting for public transportation. You go up to his flat and he hands you what he calls “the best coffee maker, this side of Utah.” It’s a vacuum you nut and no it isn’t drug paraphernalia. Download Iterlo llc’s Coffee 101. It’s pages and pages of the most in-depth coffee information and can teach you almost anything about it. Best of all it’s free which is great considering you were about to spend at least $4 for what the guy at Victor’s called a “Bold Blend, with a hint of daring mint”. You know, whatever that means.
Flash forward and you’ve bummed enough money from family members to get back home but have absolutely nothing to do to help you get through the ten hours it’s going to take you to get back home including your layover. Why not talk to someone? You attempt to strike up conversation with anyone that will talk, but unfortunately No one on your particular row cares anything about the video game console wars or how to best design Metro applications for the next version of Windows Phone. Fire up the free Vh1 To Go and read up on the latest on what size Farah from Teen Moms went with on the morning of her boob job, or how best to make fun of Basketball Wives. Since there’s no internet on your flight, you won’t be able to watch previews of current shows, but think of all that included information on music, gossip, and fashion, and how it might help you relate to that teenage girl next to you.
And with your flight close to landing, that brings us to the end of this week’s Windows Phone App Flow. Remember to store your tray tables, and more importantly message me your suggestions on future App Flow columns via Twitter, username: @harlemS. Until next week this is Travis Pope saying: Drinking and Driving is Wrong. Drinking and walking is an adventure. Attempting to fit in is something in between.